Setting healthy boundaries is important. Boundaries are limits we set to protect ourselves from being used, it’s a measure of self-esteem. It is having control over your life. Lately, I found out that porous boundaries include liking someone for a very long time when it’s obvious they don’t like you. It is a lack of self-respect and lack of self-respect is a sign of porous boundaries. Let’s get into the types of boundaries.

TYPES OF BOUNDARIES

1. Rigid Boundaries

Individuals with rigid boundaries are usually closed off to other people. They are inflexible. Rigid boundaries can come up as,

  • Avoiding intimacy with other people
  • Can seem detached, even with people they are close to
  • Keeping people at a distance because of the possibility of rejection.

2. Porous Boundaries

This also can be referred to as ‘loose boundaries’. Examples of it are,

  • Having difficulty saying no to the requests of others
  • Falling in love with people that are just reaching out to you
  • Oversharing personal information.

3. Healthy Boundaries

Healthy boundaries are the boundaries we set to keep ourselves mentally, emotionally, and physically stable. They act as a way to protect ourselves from being used and it’s a measure of self-respect. Healthy boundaries sound like,

  • Not compromising your opinions for the sake of others
  • Sharing personal information in inappropriate
  • Knowing when to say the NOPE to others.

SETTING HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

“No”

“I can’t do that for you”

“This is not acceptable”

“I have decided not to do it”

Setting healthy boundaries is so important because, as I have come to find out, your boundaries will determine how people relate with you. Being disrespected by others is a sign of loose boundaries and when you feel this way, you know it’s time to buckle your boundaries shoes way tighter than they were. Setting healthy boundaries before entering situations means you are less likely to do something you won’t be comfortable with. You do not owe anyone explanations for the reasons you decide to no longer accept the things you used to.

Healthy boundaries are affirming ourselves and saying things we are not going to tolerate in our relationships. “I don’t like it when you listen in to my conversations with other people”. Boundaries are the ways I can love you and me at the same time. It is important to know to have boundaries that are too rigid or too loose can lead to unhealthy relationships and can be distressful. Setting healthy boundaries means greater self-esteem, improved communication skills, less conflict in relationships, increased confidence, and feeling understood, and the list goes on.

“Setting healthy boundaries before entering situations means you are less likely to do something you won’t be comfortable with. You do not owe anyone explanations for the reasons you decide to no longer accept the things you used to”

HOW TO SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

  • Know and define what is important to you

Doing this is a good way of setting healthy boundaries. Knowing and defining what you find important is putting into perspective these things. Is it your belief? People? Time? Feelings? Doing this is also asking yourself how you want people to treat them.

  • Practice saying No

This is important, especially when trying to set boundaries when they used to be loose. Practicing saying no when you are faced with something that you disagree with. “No, do not take my lip-gloss”. It can be hard, from experience, but with practice, it gets better.

  • Recognize disagreeable feelings

They can help you to set healthy boundaries. For example, if you feel resentment whenever someone does something to you, recognizing the feelings of resentment can be a measure to set your boundaries. The feeling can be a signal to you when it’s time to say yes or no.

  • Give yourself some space

Assess yourself and the situation. At times, you might need to check if you can grow in the same environment, if the answer is no, then you need to give yourself space, and this way you will be able to set better boundaries for yourself.

That’s it about setting boundaries and I hope you find them useful. If you have other ideas, feel free to use the comments section, and let’s learn from you.

You matter.

Photo credit: Kara Eads from Unsplash

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