Can we achieve peace without trying to overcompensate?

The first time I remember feeling the need to overcompensate can be traced back to my secondary school days. The reason for it was because I couldn’t sing as much as my friends. I was in a girl group then and I remember feeling low to my friends who could sing so much better than I. Although, I didn’t recognize it as such then, the way I overcompensated was trying to be the focus.

There were a lot of other things I could do for the group then, but I didn’t focus on them because they were not the reason why I felt low. Instead, I overcompensated by trying so hard to be like my friends who sing and I remember causing trouble along the way. A rethink about that phase of my life shook me up and I remember sending an apology letter to them, and now we are good. But the question is would I be okay if I didn’t do everything I did? If I didn’t overcompensate? Can we achieve peace without trying to overcompensate?

“A rethink about that phase of my life shook me up and I remember sending an apology letter to them, and now we are good. But the question is would I be good if I didn’t do everything I did? If I didn’t overcompensate? Can we achieve peace without trying to overcompensate?”

The result of overcompensation

There are so many things we think we need that we find out we do not need them as much as we think we do. Just because someone has a life you like doesn’t actually mean the same life will work out for you because, as they say, we are different and we have our reasons for doing the things we do. The need to overcompensate arises from feeling stuck, from not having what others have and you feel affected by it and because you can’t do it, you decide to overcompensate.

The result of overcompensation is, when you finally overcompensate, it’s not because of you. It’s because of others. When you finally overcompensate and achieve in it, you don’t feel happy for yourself, it’s majorly “I can’t wait to show them what I did, and then they will also know I can do it”. It’s not healthy to achieve because of what you want others to think about your achievement. Your achievements must be because of and for you. So, how can we achieve peace without overcompensating?

“The result of overcompensation is, when you finally overcompensate, it’s not because of you. It’s because of others. “

1. Stop comparing yourself to others

Comparing yourself to other people is a killjoy. When you compare yourself, you think that your work or you aren’t good enough even when in reality it is. Comparing can lead to the urge to overcompensate because you want to feel as good as the other person. As I said earlier, the joy from overcompensating isn’t because of you. When you don’t compare yourself to others, it’s easy to see how good you are. Also, making you see how you can work on ways to improve yourself instead of trying to overcompensate. This process can bring you peace because you are doing it because of you and not to feel superior to someone else.

2. Engage in what truly matters (we achieve peace)

This is a step I very much believe in, engaging in what truly matters. When I engage in what truly matters to me, I usually don’t see a reason to engage in someone else’s. Hence, canceling the need to overcompensate. When you do things that really matter to you because you want them and not thinking of what others have done is a way to achieve peace without feeling the need to overcompensate. Engaging in what truly matters is also a great way to practice mindfulness and mindfulness results in peace.

Always remember you matter. Please, use the comment section to tell me what you think about this. Stay safe.

Photo credit: Gerardo Rojas from Unsplash

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